If Love were Controllable
by Akaiba
Summary: Birthday fic for TragedyInTheMaking. Hope you like it!Summary- If it brought them together? Could it tear them apart? What exactly does keep them together?


An extremely belated birthday fic for the one and only Tragedy, but its only late because she never told me when her birthday was and I only found out recently!!! Lol, hope you like it, R R!!! xxx

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If love was something that was not only nameable but controllable then the chances of Romeo for falling for Juliet are slim. The same can be said for Anthony and Cleopatra and a myriad of cosmic couples set up from the start for opposition, difficulties, tragedy and still destined for love.

If love were controllable many would never have fallen in love with whom they did.

If love were controllable many would never fall in love at all.

If love were controllable Draco would never have fallen for Harry.

And if love were controllable, Harry would never have fallen for Draco.

When times are hard and things are thrown into a disarray of unusualness that people are neither used to nor comfortable with some people's personalities will shine through. Leaders are born and those lacking in charisma are forced to follow or perish, talents are exposed for what they truly are and bravery erupts in the most unlikely of souls.

Extremities in life can also be what draws two people together.

War is probably one of these extremes.

In war, those who survive cannot hesitate; they cannot falter in their decisions as one moment of doubt can often be the difference between life and death. In war, one chooses a path and one sticks to it.

And that was what two young teenagers had done.

Thrown into the chaos of war with naught but their wits and very basic knowledge of survival they were poised on opposing sides, rivals from their meeting, and thrown at each other again and again until both were broken, tired and truly beaten under the thumbs of their commanders.

The blond was nothing more than a pawn while the dark haired one a powerful figurehead, a beacon to the fighters for good to keep fighting but he was just as much a pawn as the blond.

Pureblood by birth, the blond, Draco, had been raised in a very purist environment. He'd been taught to treat those not like him as though they were beneath him and he had been given to a true evil as a tool and nothing more.

The brunet, Harry, had a completely different upbringing with a harsh childhood where he had nothing and came into his powers late on only to face the true evil with a complete lack of how to win and it was only be sheer luck he did.

However, though you could not get two more opposite characters, they came together and found solace and completion within each other.

Neither could quite remember how it had happened. What had begun as a fight ended when the blond had cried out for Harry to stop, Draco throwing his wand as far away as he could and falling to his knees, face in hands, crying for Harry just to kill him and end it all. Broken body racked with pain of years of meaningless servitude rather than the wounds they inflicted upon each other the young man had cried out the suppression of the years at the feet of his nemesis who had watched with a slack jaw, wand held poised to fall or strike, neither option presenting a clear result.

Harry remembered his wand falling from his grasp.

Draco remembered Harry suddenly kneeling down and holding him tightly.

But what they both agreed was that was the moment the rivalry had ended.

Broken and empty they had clung to one another doing nothing more than hold each other close, Harry doing the walking as they made to find a safe place to rest even for a moment, Draco doing the holding as they both savored their first tastes of human compassion and true, unabated want from another human being. They both had felt it, the desire that sprang from both of them, the want for another's company and another's touch, another's acceptance from someone who could truly understand.

Draco claimed it was he who had kissed Harry first but Harry was certain it was he who had removed Draco's shirt.

It was all a blur.

A whirlwind of feather light touches across virgin-soft skin that showed their youth and vulnerability despite the weariness of age-old wisdom and loss shining in their eyes as they stared at each other, mesmerized by what they were doing, their minds screaming for this to stop, screaming to push the other away.

It was so wrong.

So, so wrong.

So very wrong.

Yet, finding that elusive peace within another's body and mind was so rare and precious the fact it was so very wrong and so very bad didn't make them back away.

It made them hold on tighter.

They never had sex that night. They just touched each other nervously, virgins in every sense of the word from the actual act to the showing of emotions to another person, awkwardness heavy in the air, they just lay beside each other, limbs entangled, and spoke softly about things.

They talked about how things had gone so strangely wrong when they'd met but they knew their meeting had been engineered so they would become enemies. There was nothing they could do to fight that but even Draco admitted he wanted to move past that. It was hard enough to acknowledge they felt something akin to human and alive when they were near each other but to admit they wanted to start over was a sure sign to each other that what they felt was genuine and, whatever it was, needed to be followed with a heart rather than a mind.

When they did eventually have sex after long months of needy touching and wistful conversations of a time when they could spend more time with each other rather than meeting beneath cloaks under guises with hushed voices to talk and simply just to be reassured the other was still alive, when that time did eventually come it was not how either had imagined.

It wasn't rushed, it wasn't awkward and it most certainly wasn't wrong.

With gentle hands Harry and Draco had submitted to each other, soft voices and frighteningly passionate eyes locked eternally as they had reached a euphoria neither had ever been to and both had cradled the other against them and prayed it would never end.

Calling out each others name with fearfully joyful tears slipping from vulnerable eyes as they had let each other in, guarded hearts unchained and set free like birds and entwined with another making them stronger and weaker than ever before. They were each others weakness and strength, giving power and worry, spreading happiness and sorrow. The first night they were together, throwing themselves into a fiery sea that swept them up and pressed them to a pleasure and indescribable wholeness that left them hot and breathless neither knew exactly what sin and destiny they committed to as Draco through back his head and took Harry within, shaking limbs cupped against an equally afraid body that leant what support it could as they rocked and danced to their own rhythm, their own lullaby of their beating hearts and gasping lungs, parted lips sucking in icy air to a fire-hot temple of flesh that trembled with mind-blowing feelings and their failure to comprehend just what they were getting themselves into.

If it drew them together, surely when it ended it would draw them apart?

Terrified thoughts of being apart from his lover ran through Draco's mind as he pounded on the door of Grimauld place, desperate to see emerald eyes encased in rimmed glasses with messy ebony hair framing an angelic face that would blink confusedly at his appearance before taking his hand and pulling him close, ignoring the disapproving, seething glares from the fighters of right around them

But the door refused to budge and Draco was left in the rain staring at the peeling black paint on the door with its brass knocker with a heavy black cloak drawn around him tightly for far longer than he knew was good.

When the offending wood finally did part for him it was a stony face of hatred and distaste that greeted him, it sneered at him, violent red hair of Mr.Weasley begrudgingly allowing him entrance. Draco didn't need telling twice. Pushing past he ignored Mrs.Weasley's cries he couldn't go upstairs and stomped up the stairs barging past a disgruntled house elf who muttered something offensive in his wake.

Spying the room he knew to be Harry's he slammed open the door and entered with a labored swing of dripping cloth that he discarded in the doorway at his feet, his eyes never leaving the pale, drawn face so unhealthily coloured on the bed in the center of the room. The assorted children of the Weasley family were on the room, the Granger girl held in the arms of her boyfriend, Ron, like Draco knew he should be with Harry. He could hear the female Weasley child crying softly with worry while the twins were keeping an eye on their surrogate brother as Harry's bloodshot eyes opened and turned to Draco, green clashing with silver and making Draco gasp, his eyes filling with unabated and unashamed tears.

"You bastard…" Harry coughed with a heaving chest. "I t-told you n-not to c-come…"

Draco's eyes creased and his hand flew to his mouth as he staggered forwards and fell at Harry's bedside, his free hand pressing against Harry's face, sweeping sweat dampened hair from his lover's face.

"Of c-course I c-came, you dick!" Draco choked through his tears. "You complete and utter git!"

Yes, they were lovers of the best and worst kind. Harry managed a painful laugh at their own banter and lifted a shaking hand to Draco's own face and smiled brokenly. "I promise, I'm fine. It's just a bit b-bad now b-because the w-wound is not h-happy with being h-healed. I t-told you, the b-blast only just c-caught me…"

Draco let out a humorless laugh, "You prick, I'd kill you if you weren't in this bed…" Harry laughed again and hissed in pain as his injured side was stretched in a way it didn't like. "Stop moving, asshole. Sit still, sleep and get better. I swear, you do this again and I'll kill you myself, I can't take much more of this."

Harry snorted. "Why Draco, are you breaking up with me?"

Whereas it was a joke Draco jerked sharply as though Harry had slapped him, the words striking a chord within him. He looked away, eyes averted. "No…"

The brunet caught the darkening feelings and silently gestured for the others to leave before running a hand slowly through the platinum blond hair, gleaming into the dim light of the bedroom, curtains drawn so Harry's weak state could sleep undisturbed. "Tell me what's wrong."

Draco chewed his lip and rose out of Harry's reach, busying himself with fluffing Harry's pillows, tucking the covers in tighter, drawing the curtains again and ignoring Harry's glare.

"Draco…"

"Harry… don't. I'm worried about you right now. Once you're better we'll talk."

Harry folded his arms and his glare intensified. "I'm not exactly going anywhere, Dray. You can tell me now."

Draco pouted and deflated with a heavy sigh before doing as Harry bid and approaching the bed. He sat stiffly on the side of the bed and looked at his clasped hands rather than Harry's face. "I've just been worrying a lot lately, its nothing serious."

"Everything's serious with you, Draco. I know you better than that." Harry countered the evasive answer with practiced ease.

Scowling Draco continued. "I just…" He sighed. "What would you say brought us together?"

Harry blinked. He'd clearly never thought about it. "I dunno… I guess it was kind of a mutual agreement…"

Draco rolled his eyes. Sometimes his boyfriend was painstakingly naïve. "I've been thinking a lot and I think it was the war." Harry blinked and listened quietly. "If you think about it, the war engineered our meeting and our relationship thus far, boyfriends excluded, and if it the war never existed there's a good chance you and I may have never spoken or even met or even if we had we may have still turned out rivals and enemies."

"Go on… I know there's more, there always is. Come on, Dray…" Harry lent up a bit and ran reassuring circles over Draco's back, his fingers and palm gentle and soothing.

The blond was silent a moment before murmuring so softly, "What if… what if after this is over, the one thing that brought us together… what if once that's gone… what if we just drift apart? What if when the war ends… you decide this, whatever this is, is over?"

Harry looked offended, the soothing motions on his boyfriends back pausing a moment. "And what, pray tell, have I or anyone else said or done to make you believe that is a likely outcome of this war? If anything, I know your rushing to my side despite my telling you not to because you are worried has convinced me you're absolutely serious about us. Tell me, Dray, what can I do in return?"

Draco's brows furrowed in thought. "Do for me…?"

The brunet nodded, his less damaged hand and not wrapped in bandages twining with Draco's, fingers lacing with his thumb rubbing over the blonds' knuckles. He lent forward, not to kiss but to push Draco down onto the bed and he towered over the blond, straddling slim hips with a practiced ease. "What can I do to ease your worry? There is no doubt in my mind that you mean this and though I know I mean all of this… you do not believe it-"

"No! Harry!" Draco tried to contradict.

"NEVERTHELESS!" Harry interrupted his boyfriend's protests. "I will prove my intentions to you…"

Draco's eyes widened at the implications of Harry's words. "Harry… no! Stop it!" He cried as he felt a hand slipping up his shirt, the sleeves only reaching his elbows and thankfully proving tight and difficult to remove for Harry. "You're hurt, Harry! The only reason I came was to make sure you were okay! Ah!" He groaned and bit his lip, his face twisting in pleasure he was trying to block out as Harry fondled his nipples, it was a long ago discovered fact that Draco had sensitive nipples and Harry never failed to use this to his advantage. "H-Harry!

The burnet grinned as his name tumbled from the slightly parted, pale lips before him between breathy pants that made his dusky skin shiver with dark intentions. He kept his warm hands touching Draco's chest, tracing patterns on baby-soft skin to keep Draco manageable. "Listen to me, Dray." His hands never faltering their torturing caresses as Harry forced the shuddering male to meet his gaze. "This war may have brought us together but it cannot tear us apart." He leant closer. "I love you, Draconius Malfoy, and nothing will ever get rid of me. Not even death. I promise to you, here and now, that I will always come home."

"Home?" Draco managed to still Harry's claiming hands and raised an eyebrow at his lover. "Where? Here? To Grimmauld Place?"

Harry let out a soft laugh and pressed his nose against the blonds'. "No, love. To you. That's home: wherever you are."

Draco was frozen for a moment, his eyes widened to as large as they would go without popping from his skull then threw himself upwards in a burst of energy and crushed Harry to his chest and fell back down again, forgetting the brunet's injuries and just clinging to him as he burst into tears. The savior of the wizarding world just patted his blond hair and shushed him gently until Draco was calm again, his destructive grip loosened to a loving embrace.

"That was the corniest thing I've ever heard." Draco pointed out with a smile.

Harry laughed. "But it was original enough you'd not heard it before?"

With a grudged shrug Draco nodded and Harry let out a mocking 'yes' before kissing his giggling lover and maneuvering them both under the blankets. Cuddled together, loved in each others arms and safe as long as they stayed there the two boys thrown into the chaos of war and against each other like mindless soldiers took solace and comfort from the other as it was offered and went to sleep.

Life isn't forgiving and the two boys know that. They know that those around them are only tolerant of their relationship so long as there is chaos around them to distract them. Once its gone they will have to continue fighting just to keep the only thing they truly have in the world by their side.

And fight they will.

Because Harry is nothing without Draco and Draco is nothing without Harry. They complete each other like two sides of the same coin. They fit each other, admittedly, in an awkward blaze of unsure words often harsh and cold but only because they know no other way to interact with each other.

But it is those precious moments when they are functioning purely on instinct and not on discipline that make all of the fighting worthwhile.

In the end, Harry will never let Draco go because Draco won't ever let him.

If love were controllable…

Hmm, maybe it doesn't matter whom you love just so long as you do?

Draco and Harry are happy because they love but without a certain push from an unseen force gravitating them to one another, they may never have loved each other.

So… maybe its better that love is uncontrollable…

Ineffable thoughts, both benign and non, forgotten above the slumbering heads of ebony and platinum the blond one snuggled closer and gripped his lover's shirt to ground him to reality as he was claimed in return, strong arms wrapped in a cover of flesh to protect and to cherish as they shared a rare moment of peace.

A calm within a storm.

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Its an exceedingly random story cos I'm sorta a bit depressed and I duno why but I really have no inspiration for anything and I just wanna stay home, screw school! But I'm sure its just a phase, I will get back on track soon and I'll finish the Hey There series with Tragedy kicking me all the way but it will be done.

Hope you liked it! R R!!! xxx LUFF JOO!!!


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